Doubt has gripped me.

In a sudden, violent reversal from the position I maintained in Companion Piece, doubt beset me in horrifying fashion. Truly, my most macabre imaginings and primal fears held no comparison to the terror which this doubt held for me.

I’m still processing. My attitude in the linked post was intended to be matter-of-fact and not cocky, but I have to amend my position for accuracy. I can doubt, with an intensity I’ve rarely seen represented in art and literature. My doubts don’t mess around. They’re bare-knuckle brawlers which invoke speculation about extreme nihilism and life as a sick, twisted joke.

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Of course, that isn’t the exhaustive breadth and depth of why I believe. (I refer to the single apologetic argument contained in …Christianity and Capitalism.) One incontrovertible fact does not for a worldview make. (Although, no reason why it shouldn’t, but that’s not usually how things shake out.) Our beliefs are tinged by a whole lifetime of experiences and influences. Indeed, the case made in “…Capitalism” was more an example of Christian reasoning existing external to the Bible that I simply can’t disassemble.

Add in the body of work by Christian philosophers, the selfless lives of genuine believers, the testimony of those I trust, and the miracles I’ve personally observed, and what you have is a recipe for unassailable belief that cannot be shaken in my darkest hours or sorest temptations. I believe even when I don’t want to because I am convinced beyond doubt—try as I might to doubt, I cannot.

“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have,” the Bible adjures.* Well, I’m bad at extemporaneous speech, but after I finish with this post I’ll be able to answer, “I’ve prepared a statement.”

*Has anyone noticed how verbose that translation is? “Prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give.” To, to, to. Not mellifluous, NIV-translators, not mellifluous!

Since the beginning of time (or shortly thereafter) humans have been ruled by one fundamental desire: greed. Maybe sometime I’ll devote a different post to advancing this theory, but for right now I’m going to call it Axiom One. The beauty of capitalism is that it takes Axiom One into account; it’s a variable factored into the equation. I like to imagine Adam Smith observing to himself, ”Humans will be selfish, avaricious bastards. So how do I leverage this for optimal success?” (Mainly because I like putting words into Adam Smith’s mouth.) His answer was, inasmuch as I can tell, the free market where human greed goes mano a mano with human greed. Fighting fire with fire is a stupid idea, ‘cuz you only get more fire, but fighting too much fire with too much water is a great idea, because then you get the cinema classic Waterworld. Anyway, in the Adam smith model some greed is too much fire, and some greed is too much water, and they battle it out in the Kevin Costner vehicle that is the free market.

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Or How Not to Talk Like a 4chan User

One popular monosyllabic reply is the dismissive “meh,” a comment that has become ubiquitous with rise of internet communication. It is intended to convey condescension of such a degree that it can only warrant apathetic indolence. Often, internet exchanges are constructed in the form:

1. Well-reasoned, thoroughly stated position.

2. Contradicting “meh” rejoinder.
 
“Meh” carries with it the implication the original argument or idea is so underwhelming that it does not even warrant a cogently-stated reply. There is no respect for whatever hard work or careful thought went into the original idea; indeed, “meh” denotes none existed and there is not a solitary salvageable scrap of merit in the speaker’s idea.

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I sometimes feel like I’m a character in a hollywood romcom.

My character’s name is “Jake” and he’s the comic relief buddy of the chiseled leading man, “Trevor.”

Jake enters Trevor’s apartment to hang out for requisite guy time. They both crack open a couple of beers and turn on “the game.” (Real life me would, ideally, share a glass of brandy but romcom me is not a direct translation. Romcom guys don’t drink brandy and challenging the Ordinary Dude Paradigm {ODP} is beyond the scope of this post.)

Trevor, sensing Jake’s excitement, asks, “So, what’s up, buddy?”

“This is it, man,” Jake responds eagerly. “This is finally it. This is the One.”

“Hmmm?” Trevor says, not entirely paying attention.

“I’ve met the One! Are you listening? You’re not listening. You’re watching the Buckeyes throw incompletes.”

Trevor nods absent-mindedly; he is watching the Buckeyes throw incompletes.

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I’m going to kick off being mediocre (see here for original declaration) with an evening of doing too little, spending too much, and utterly failing at finishing this list with a third item. (Oh. But that was a third action! Yet again, failure produces its own success, aka “Best Motivational Philosophy Ever.”)

Actually, I’m being overwhelmed by the variety and quantity of activities with which to waste my time and money. There are…

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A lot gets said but nothing ever gets done. Problems are identified, harped on, hashed out, rehashed, griped about, and all without any actual change being effected.

I have decided this is wonderful. This is humans being humans. It’s what we like to do. My requirement to be the change and make a difference is killing me. It’s too much. Maybe for a while someone else can be the change I want to see in the world. But that change is an awfully big thing for one person alone. 

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The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it’s raging
The fight inside is breaking me again

-Red, “Fight Inside”

While I wasn’t watching TV (estimated to be somewhere during primetime Friday night March 10, 2006), a sub-genre of reality tv revolving around wilderness survival apparently emerged. With titles such as Man vs. Wild and Survivorman, from what I can tell they present modern day Davy Boone Clarks such as Bear Grylls who instruct viewers in what must certainly be termed “extreme camping” (or “sharing a tent with bears of two different species”).

This is, of course, slightly inane.

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Taken from an email, I thought I’d share with a broader audience. Or maybe only note it here so that I might remember. 

A co-worker/friend of mine has recently decided to “Do what makes me happy.” This has caused me to re-evaluate some old questions. ”What makes me happy?” and “What do I love?” seem to be interrelated issues.

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Every so often there comes a game that transcends the medium and causes people to sit up and take notice, gaining newfound respect for the industry. Titles such as Grim Fandango, Bioshock, and Red Dead Redemption explored philosophy and human emotion with such a self-assured hand that they broke new ground in what could be accomplished when a mere “game” takes its characters and themes seriously, providing an enriching experience which cannot be duplicated in other artforms. Even Portal drew (excessive, in my opinion) attention on grounds of cheeky humor and immersion alone.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution is not one of those games.

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